Don't Get Me Started by Mitchell Symons

Author:Mitchell Symons [Symons, Mitchell]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Comedy, Funny, Humour, Modern Life, Non-Fiction
ISBN: 9780593059944
Google: YYuaV2ViVE8C
Amazon: 0593059948
Publisher: Bantam Press
Published: 2007-08-14T23:00:00+00:00

* * *

Tuition fees for students doing degrees in vocational subjects where there’s a shortage of professional personnel.

Scots who support whoever’s playing England at sport. It doesn’t happen the other way round.

New medical cures always being at least ten years away.

Scantily clad women complaining that men are always staring at them.

Chain emails that threaten us with bad luck if we don’t send them on.

People who don’t bother to vote. If you can’t vote for someone, make sure you vote against someone, but always always always vote. Otherwise you forfeit your right to complain until the next election.

People who bring up the past in arguments. Applies double to spouses.

Anyone who believes that crop circles are anything other than fakes. They are, you know. That’s why they only appear in fields sited near large population areas (mostly in southern England) where a) the hoaxers obviously live and b) they’ll be seen by the most people. Oh, and Father Christmas is your dad.

T-shirts that cost more than £20.

Not having a written Bill of Rights. Isn’t it about time?

Sales that never have clothes in our size. All right: my size.

The 118 118 men – especially on satellite TV.

Has-been celebrities using charities to try to restart their careers.

Celebrities demanding our money for charity without putting their hands in their own pockets.

People who say ‘I’m good’ instead of ‘I’m well’ when asked how they are.

Lorry drivers who hog the fast lane of a dual carriageway all the way up a hill.

Gordon Brown’s trust funds for kids. Why should we taxpayers hand over our hard-earned money for someone else’s kids to blow it all in eighteen years’ time?

Happy slappers. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Unexplained – and, we suspect, unnecessary – train delays.

TV hypnotists. Wrong on so many levels.

Professional Scousers who don’t live in Liverpool. Always going on about how great everyone is in Liverpool and how grounded they feel whenever they return. So why don’t you live there all the year round? You never hear people who live in, say, Hampshire, going on about their county – even if they’ve never left there. (See also Professional Jocks and Professional Tykes.)

The government sanctioning house-building in the most built-up parts of the country.

Noisy neighbours in cities.

Being shouted at by double-glazing salesmen in TV commercials.

Parenting books – especially those written by celebrities. Haven’t they heard of hubris?

Extracts from interviews on Sunday AM appearing on the news later on in the same programme.

Neighbours’ cats fouling our gardens and killing birds in them. Why does society deem that acceptable?

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.